Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Incident Report
Sunday July 10 between 2-6pm
Status Red Alert!

Subject: Male Caucasian, early 50’s travels under the pseudonym of “Shane”

“Shane” was seen entering the premises of 100 High Street Melbourn where a celebration was being held in the garden for two frail and elderly gentlemen. In the ensuing four hours “Shane” helped himself to large quantities of both food and alcoholic beverages whereupon he proceeded to gyrate in an uncontrollable fashion. Not content with this extraordinary behaviour he then grabbed the microphone that was being used by Mr Tony Buch (a musical entertainer) and proceeded to sing a song that I understand was called “My Way”. Unfortunately Mr Buch’s ensemble was playing “Land of Hope and Glory” at the time.

“Shane” later made various lewd propositions to some of the ladies that were present even suggesting that one of them should abscond with him (although evidenced by the photograph shown above it seems not all were resistant to his “charms”).

It has also come to our attention that “Shane” claims to be the inventor of a new dance craze “TYSITBOMT” (Tuck Your Skirt in the Back of My Trousers) clearly seen in the photograph. Our officers have asked the chair to come forward as a witness.

Although he claims to be a scientist we believe that “Shane” may have infiltrated this gathering on orders from Ranger Ron from Bassingbourn and any further sightings should immediately reported to SagaLouts HQ.

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